Found: Cure for All
Known Disease!
CDC and Pentagon Fight for the Secret!
Fumblebuck,
AL What started off with a simple man exercising
his right not to shower, ended up with the discovery of
the miracle cure for all known disease, but also the most
impenetrable body armor!
Mr. Cleatis Slackjaw and family have, for over 40 years,
exercised their Red Blooded American right not to shower
or otherwise cleanse themselves. They have tended to
themselves on the outskirts of Fumblebuck.
With the expansion of nearby Mobil, came an unwelcome
intrusion into the family’s humble abode: Mormons.
These pavement pounding proselytizers could not, however,
penetrate the potent vapors and olfactory fiesta of
rotting human flesh emanating form the Slackjaw family.
In fact, the Mormons died.
After a few months, and rapidly increasing piles of
Mormons, the CDC was called to investigate and remove the
bodies.
What they discovered shocked and awed them.
The Slackjaw family, in failing to shower, built up a
thick, impenetrable body armor that was also so virus,
bacteria, cancer, and worm ridden, they were walking
weapons.
This thick layer of decayed flesh, however, is so fetid,
that even after a lifetime building up immunities to the
diseases the family carried, their immune system should
not be able to resist all the family carried.
The most incredible discovery: the family’s
moonshine.
The CDC and Pentagon continue to fight for the rights to
the recipe.
The CDC and Pentagon have declined to comment.
In the event that there is a real Cleatis Slackjaw or a
Fumblebuck, AL, this article is NOT ABOUT EITHER.